What I have learned from being a CANcer cheerleader…

As anyone can imagine, being on the spectator side of a CANcer journey is one of the most challenging, numbing and fearful things anyone may have to be faced with, next to hearing the diagnosis first hand. I, at seven months pregnant, cried all alone, lost in the hockey aisle of Canadian Tire after getting the news of my sisters diagnosis whilst trying to pick out the right colour hand mixer…. should it be plumb or should it be green..??? Lost, yes. Confused, yep… BUT… after those 10 initial minutes of complete shock, I made a very distinct decision. A decision I will never forget and NEVER regret.

I chose to embrace and to march on. After I wiped away those tears I very quickly learned from my trusty google app about the double nuclei, the PET scans, the ‘typical’ symptoms and the probable outcome. I learned about the local support groups (or lack there of), the local survivor stories and everything else my googleberry could give me. Before I could even share my news with my husband I marched right back to that small appliance section and said to my (rather large) self: “what colour would Tess choose?”. I decided that if I couldn’t make this silly little decision for myself, well I could damn well do it for her! And I did. I didn’t let CANcer get in the way of my silly small appliance purchase. I chose Green. And guess what?! Tess has the same one…who knew! Hah, but that’s just how the Universe works though, isn’t it? 

This silly story about my hand mixer is only a small and insignificant part of our journey, but I just wanted to share with you how powerful an open and trusting perspective can be, and the cheeky little ways that the Universe will offer assurance if you are willing to surrender during these difficult life lessons.

My role in my sisters CANcer journey became the informer. I was responsible for research and proper delivery. If you can imagine it became somewhat awkward for Tess to explain her news. She found herself apologizing for upsetting people – IMAGINE! My role was to find the right research, deliver the proper details and ensure that everyone stayed on the proper positive playing field. We knew the stats, we knew the reality and we had to stay there. AND WE DID! We chose to learn and to share everyday. What would help Tess would also help the world, and we needed to learn more. We studied books, learned how to eat better, juice better, pray better and most importantly how to love better.

I took my newborn baby back and forth to visit Tess, and continued to love, learn and cherish this crazy journey to health and wellness, because that is what was needed. We practiced with all of our might to take in every single ‘teachable moment’ and then go forward to apply it to what was in front of us. You may not believe this when I tell you, but it wasn’t CANcer that was in front of us, it was our future mission. The start of our future passion project, and the start of a new purpose. It wasn’t forced or even planned, but happened naturally and seamlessly before we could even recognize it. 

Our mission became clear: we were meant to share our message and our story so that other Young Adults who found theirselves in our exact situation could learn and move forward in a way that was empowering, strengthening, healing and nurturing. We knew our message was bigger than that ‘C’ word and by god, we would spread it! 

As our story continues and I remain solid, correction: CONCRETE in my role, and I want to share with you what I know… 

Trust the process. Trust it. Just do it. 

Trust the insane process and the exercise your new role in the game of life. Experience it, embrace it and take ownership of it. I have come to learn that every decision we make, every good or seemingly bad or difficult situation we experience, every ailment or injury we suffer is actually sending us further along the trajectory of our life journey. And each of these experiences is in a crazy and silly interconnected way EXACTLY what we are meant to be doing on that moment. 

She has you. Miss All-Mighty-Universe has your back and if you lean on her and trust for just a moment, you will see. As with Ganesha, you may pray and pray and although you thought your outcome had to be one way and it was not, you will learn quickly that what you were praying for was not really the result you wanted anyways. 

Just trust. And pray. And share. And love. And eat lots of healthy and yummy food. 

In love and in light,

Michelle